Generally holidays/birthdays are not on our list of enjoyable things to do, but the time between November 1st and January 2nd for most of us INTJ-Fs can be the trifecta of unpleasantness – celebrating a holiday in the first place, an excessive amount of socializing, and the feeling of being obligated to shop, sometimes among a sea of people in some mall or department store or supermarket.
If you aren’t a fan of Halloween, add some of October in there as well – and Valentine’s Day can also extend things out into the late winter months.
We don’t normally really go all out on holidays or birthdays, and with the exception of those closest to us and those who appreciate the practical, we’d rather not join in on events that force us to participate in large social gatherings. Most of us like a small intimate get-together with our most favorite people, but really hate a roomful of strangers (unless like me it’s like NYC where you’re nearly invisible in the crowd, and then it’s acceptable).
Of course the concept of holidays themselves aren’t really our thing, and we would much rather dig down a research path to find out what the origin of the holiday is than blindly celebrate it with everyone else.
Most of us have figured out how to get around having to get in the car and drive to shopping venues, as with things like online shopping and curbside pickup or order and grab at location strategy we can get gifts to those who matter and not have to risk being killed on Black Friday in a crowd at 5 AM to get a good deal on those gifts. Now we just need to figure out how not to be so practical with those gifts. People never seem to appreciate that!
But, I digress. Some of this blog is aimed at giving you – the INTJ Female reading this – some pointers on getting through the madness and into spring safely and sanely if you cannot escape the process entirely – here are some direct tips from others like yourself when faced with having to be in the company of a lot of people at a party. Bookmark this blog entry, or write these down:
- Partaking of alcohol and coffee if you are sensitive to light, white noise chatter, etc is probably best skipped so you’ll be less irritated. If these things, however do not intensify your discomfort and they work for you – go to town (safely of course, not if you’re driving). It was suggested that if CBD oil works for you, try dabbing it in areas that help you relax (wrists, back of knees, ankles, temples, etc). If you anticipate a headache or know it’s best to be sure something is in your diet beforehand that will make you feel better, carry it or take it preemptively (I get stress migraines, so I’m better off staying away from wine and popping pain relievers in advance to ward one off).
- Bring ways to escape or divert your focus even if you can’t get out of the room such as hidden headphone (s) playing music or an audio book.
- Hide in bathrooms or spare bedrooms off the center of the house you’re in if you can to decompress. Even a 5 minute breather can work wonders. Put smaller amounts on your plate or in your glass so you have to get up and refill more which gets you more breaks. One suggestion is to mention you need to take a quick nap and ask to be directed to someone’s guest room.
- Dress for a walk and leave the house once or twice and take a nature break solo, get some fresh air, and bonus – walk off some of the food and drink you’ve likely been picking at. If you don’t know the house/area map it out before you go.
- Offer to serve food, and clean after meals. This gets you out of the eye and ear shot of people looking to chat and it’s a good place to be that most won’t volunteer to join you in, if one does you can relegate them to a task in a way that prevents having to interact and go on about what you’re doing.
- Preparation soothes anxiety – perhaps carry an index card with 5 go to questions in case you get stuck talking to someone. On the back of the card, list 5 answers to questions you know you will be asked/get asked every time you’re around the crowd you’re going to spend time with.
- Keeping your circle small is also a life saver, where you focus on your immediate family and just get time together in you don’t usually have the opportunity for with work, and other things going on.
- When all else fails good old fashioned distance can cure the situation. Living so far away from family that you just can’t make it does help. Another country, or the other side of the country is a good example.
- Obviously, throw no parties in your own space, unless of course you live with a family member or spouse that insists on doing so. In that case, excuse your self a lot (as with the party you would have had to attend) and do a lot of serving, cleanup, coat check, refills.
- If this is a company holiday party which should also be addressed, find one or two people you are close with and sidebar them as a diversion tactic, but just like above, frequent bathroom breaks, lobby walks, and trips to the buffet, punch bowl, etc to refill a very light plate should help with avoiding a lot of getting cornered by co-workers you don’t want to talk to. If nothing else (a trick that’s not as easy to pull off around close friends and family) do the “talking on the phone to avoid talking” bit – phone to side of head, one finger up, walk past them shouting “let me get somewhere where I can hear you” into your phone should do it. Then wait at least 10 minutes to come back, and likely that person will have moved on to something else. Repeat as needed. As a last resort – even though we generally don’t like to be deceptive, it may be necessary for survival – so make up a reason you have to take off early.
What are some useful tips you can provide about navigating social events during the holiday season?
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